Too Much Of Heaven

Boldly going forward 'cause we can't find reverse

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Come, let me tell you a story
A story...of MY DREAMS.

So dream!me comes back to campus for Fall Term 2011 and for whatever reason I'm not living in the single I signed up for--instead, I've got a double in the FARTHEST AWAY DORM with a giant window and a roommate I've never actually met in real life. She looks like she walked out of an early-90s afterschool special (there's a GIANT BOW in her hair, guys, seriously) but she's quite nice and we get on pretty well.

I start to realize that Something Is Up when I come home one night to find a man skulking around our room, apparently looking for something. A man who looks like Mark Sheppard? Apparently so! Something is not just Up, but also Wrong With Time, because whatever weirdness is going down here seems to have got Canton Everett Delaware III involved. WHY ARE YOU NOT IN 1969 DUDE SERIOUSLY

Over the course of our first few days in the new dorm, my imaginary roommate and I get to know a boy who's always hanging around looking vaguely out-of-place; turns out he's a high schooler who's "visiting" for some unspecified reason. I don't really believe his story, but for some reason I trust him anyway. Then the term starts, he leaves, and our lives seem to be pretty normal...

...until one day, when we're sitting around Not Doing Homework, and we see a semi come tearing down the hill (where there's NO ROAD WHATSOEVER) behind our dorm. It crashes through the window of the first-floor room below us, and we're understandably freaked out--and then we see another coming after it, and this truck goes flying into the air JUST so it can crash into our window. Thankfully we manage to take shelter in the closet-cum-vestibule area just inside the door, and as soon as the semi cab in our room takes off and flies away we gather all the stuff we can grab and run for our lives.

Somehow, Roommate and I decide that the only people we can trust to shelter us from the Flying Eighteen-Wheelers of Doom are the mysterious high-school boy and/or Canton. Read: the only people who were actively creeping around where they didn't belong, but I guess we thought everyone else must be in on the aliens' Evil Plan or something? It doesn't matter anyway, though, because we can't contact either of them; in the end, we decide to just set off in a random direction and hope we meet up with one or the other of Magic or Plot or something, I guess.

An unspecified amount of time passes, and for some reason Roommate and I have decided to hide from and/or fight the aliens by, um, crashing a high school dance. Despite the fact that we're the only adolescent females for a mile around who aren't wearing Dayglo formal wear, nobody seems to notice that we don't belong there. We start asking random people if they know the boy we met at college--I guess that's why we needed to find some high-school kids?--and one girl says she'll call him for us and leads us outside.

IT'S A TRAP! She's actually one of the aliens or working for them or something and for some reason Roommate's letting her touch her phone means that now they have to have a Pokemon battle. On the football field. With the entire student body cheering Evil Alien Girl on.

Roommate, being a refugee from 1992, doesn't know the first thing about Pokemon training, and of course she's not got a team of her own, so she just kind of blunders through with the crappy monsters some random person lent her and quickly starts losing horribly. I realize that we can't let Evil Alien Girl win, but our only chance to get out of this alive is to run away--and Alien Girl isn't about to let us retreat. Thinking quickly, I make a run for the announcer's box and hook my iPod up to the speaker system.

Every speaker on the field crackles to life.


As all the alien!kids tumble over asleep, Roommate and I make a run for it--apparently the rules of the Pokeverse only apply to them.

More time passes, and after a vague and confusing adventure with a crossdressing gingerbread man and a narrow escape from a very angry old lady, we finally manage to track down the mysterious boy at his prep school in the middle of a cornfield. He helps us disguise ourselves as students, and we begin to plan our war against the aliens....

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That is some impressive dream recall, right there!

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